Some marriages and relationships are like Humpty-Dumpty. They fall off the wall and can’t be put back together again. We all react differently to these breakups. Sometimes we go through the steps of grieving which includes anger. That anger can be a step to healing or it can be a step off to revenge, name-calling, mate bashing, stalking, or even worse, murder.
When you let the song play in your head about being “done wrong” even if you do not take revenge or drag his/her name through the mud, who is that really hurting? If you go to extremes and kill that person that doesn’t work either. We can chose to let go and when anger or hurt comes up, use it to propel yourself over that trap. Stop and think things like, “Boy, that didn’t go well.” or “Man I’m glad that’s over.”
Sometimes we just don’t fit right and finally have to admit it. Sometimes one of you grows and the other doesn’t and what used to work, does not work anymore. In a lot of cases people marry for all the wrong reasons. If they are lucky or want the marriage or relationship or partnership to work out, they do actually fall in love for the right reasons. I don’t have to go into what the “wrong” reasons are. You know in your heart what they are.
When you hook up with someone, have a relationship with someone, the relationship does not just include you and the other person. Each brings to the table, their childhood, their beliefs, their ideas, their experiences, their past relationships, their social standing, their cultural influences – in other words, the good, the bad, and the ugly. Yes, there is more than the two of you. It’s a wonder any relationship works.
Then there is the age in which you form this relationship – any relationship – but particularly a romantic one. You are not the same person at 17 as you will be at 26 or 50 or 70. It is our experiences and responses and responsibilities that happen to us and how we handle them that will change us. Drug and alcohol abuse thrown into the mix will create another whole set of woes to deal with.
If a relationship is not working, get out as soon as you are able to do so. If it just needs some work, get some help with that. In any case get whatever help you need. And when you are going through a relationship crisis, if you can do so without wanting to stick dangers in your partner or friend, you both will come out much better together or apart. You see, the dangers you carry are stuck in YOUR heart not theirs even though it would seem to you that it is the other way around. Daggers have nothing to do with love. Love sets you free – really free. You can just let go of the venom or poison yourself. Chose love. Chose to let go of your anything in your entourage that doesn’t work for you. Chose to call it a learning experience and not a disaster. if you chose to take the time to really get to know yourself, to heal yourself, then Love will be your weapon of choice.